Everyone loves cows, right? Their yummy milk (especially with Hershey's Chocolate Syrup). Their yummy meat, on the grill with cheese. Sizzle.
But now those crazy (brilliant) scientists at the IPCC say we need to concentrate on cutting emissions from big farms. What?!
According to EnviroWonk, who turned me on to the Clean Coal Carolers last week, the head of the IPCC says almost a fifth of greenhouse gases come from livestock, and not enough attention is being paid to 'what cows do when they think no one is looking.'
How can we reduce emissions from livestock? Scrubbers at farms? Filtered cow pants? Sequestration?
No, something even more frightening: Giving up meat.
Gasp! Could you imagine (I'm speaking to carnivores here): No Thanksgiving, no Christmas ham, tofu cheeseburgers? Is global warming really THAT bad. Of course it is.
I promise to eat more salads (can't make any promises about bacon bits). I vote for anaerobic digesters, to turn manure into electricity. And more sustainable farming practices.
But more importantly, how will the livestock industry respond to this impending War on Meat?
The Clean Cow Coalition? A friendly cow talking about how good milk and meat is for you. Singing little baby cows. Cute pigs. Remember Babe? How could you eat that? Answer: With BBQ sauce.
- Green Mullet.
P.S. The IPCC has some competition on this one. There's a group out there called LEARN, working to "facilitate the development of cost effective and practical greenhouse gas mitigation solutions." God bless them, every one.
P.P.S. Burger King has just released a meat-scented body spray.