Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Metal Deficit Disorder

Anyone who reads this blog regularly (and that's not hard. I don't post that often, so the commitment is minimal) knows that I hate Metallica.

I hate Metallica, and what they've become.

They started out strong, with great songs and one of the coolest names in thrash (as my brother once noted in a Burger King parking lot), but turned into one of the lamest, money-grubbing crap slingers in the music business.

First, they shortened their songs, then their hair. They started with videos and merchandised themselves to the hilt. Now, they're making our kids fat. (Oops, I almost forgot about the Napster thing = This link Not Safe For Work).

Anyway, back to making our kids fat. This is part of Metallica's latest sellout.

Just when I thought they couldn't sell out any further. When Metallica already rules the niche of sweaty jock anthems, they have gone and made themselves part of the Guitar Hero video game.

The point of the game is to stay inside the house as long as possible, staring at a screen, trying to sound like Metallica on a plastic guitar. That equals fat kids (being instilled with a taste in bad music, and probably being forced to listen to Lars).

So now Metallica has ruined metal and a video game. Is there a Whack-A-Downloader Bonus Level on the new Guitar Hero: Metallica?

There's something called Nature Deficit Disorder. Kids are spending too much time indoors, being deprived of nature and an appreciation for things of this Earth.